Understanding The Opposite Sex

A lot has been made about the "War Between The Sexes". Books have been written, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Hell", and yet we seem no closer to understanding each other. Although both men and women use the same language, the meanings behind the words remain as elusive and hard to grasp as an 18 year old jello wrestler.

In an effort to bring the sexes together and bridge the communications gap, I offer the following:





(Thanks to Cartoonstock.com for the image!)



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

* 40-ish..................................49.

* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.

* Athletic................................No breasts.

* Average looking.....................Moooo.

* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.

* Feminist...............................Fat.

* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

* Friendship first.......................Former Slut.

* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.

* Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s

* Open-minded.........................Desperate.

* Outgoing..............................Loud and
embarrassing.

* Professional...........................Bitch.

* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.

* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.

* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes.....................................No

* No......................................Yes

* Maybe.................................No

* We need...............................I want

* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry

* We need to talk......................You're in trouble

* Sure, go ahead........................You better not

* Do what you want...................You will pay for this
later

* I am not upset........................Of course, I am
upset, you moron!

* Fine!............................................Dead Man Walking

* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever
think about?



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry...........................I am hungry

* I am sleepy............................I am sleepy

* I am tired..............................I am tired

* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

* I love you..............................Let's have sex
now

* I am bored.............................Do you want to
have sex?

* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have
sex with you.

* Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have
sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex
with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex
with you.

* I don't think those shoes go with that
outfit..............I'm gay.

Thanks to Cindi Albeser for the above clarifications!

d.