Sunday, June 06, 2004

Guidelines For Dealing With Bushboys

I was over at the Bro's place earlier and came across an old piece written by Scroff instructing those of us with good sense on how to deal with the Bushboys. The piece was linked to from an excellent post by Ruthalla entitled, "From Bush, Unprecedented Negativity". I liked it so much I decided to post it here.

(By the way, for those of you who are interested, De LaHoya stole the fight last night so I had a good day after all - d.)

Sunday, May 04 2003 @ 12:39 PM EDT
Contributed by: Scroff
Views: 75

I spend some time on another site which welcomes mild debate about various topics. One of the posters to that site is a bit more conservative than the rest of the posters there. As a result of his frustration trying to make his argument in the forums there, he went to a pro-war weblog (actually one of the Scary Websites listed elsewhere on this site) seeking trolls to help him in his efforts to liberate the "lefties". Here is my response to the sudden incursion of pro-war posts to that site. I thought it was a little funny.

Oh brother, the intellectual power is overwhelming. Ok, so the bushboys are here.

Here are some guidelines for dealing with bushboys.

A bushboy can be a fun and engaging pet if you refuse to allow it to anger you or bite you. They will bite and will never, ever, despite mounting piles of evidence to the contrary, let go. DO NOT TRY TO TAME A BUSHBOY! They are feral and can never be brought back.

1) Realize beforehand that they will stoop to any level to make their point, way beyond outright lies (which they heard on Fox News).

2) They condone violence, and they know that the majority of folks here don't, therefore they will stop at nothing in their attempts to get you to react to them. When you've finally been frustrated beyond belief and tell them to go *fvck* themselves or some such, they will call you and all (pick your derogatory comment) "lefties" (their favorite word, don't look for too much imagination here) hypocrites and losers and (insert derogatory remark here).

3) On the other hand, its own frustration level is extremely low (can you say king-baby?). Therefore realize that when you make a point they are unable to refute (and you will), they will not hesitate to cajole, threaten, insult, dismiss as (insert derogatory remark here), and degrade your mother.

4) Understand that they take themselves very seriously, individually and as a group. Thus they will, similar to baboons, growl and bark and scream and chatter in unison. This is actually quite remarkable phenomena to witness.

5) Understand that when they call you a (insert derogatory remark here) they actually believe it should piss you off and insult you. Apparently their parents never taught them the "Sticks and stones" nursery rhyme when they were pups.

6) Speaking of children, keep in mind, should you care to approach a bushboy, that, regardless of their age, education, profession or social class they are no more than tired, cranky, children. Think of your two or three year old relatives when they don't get what they want.

7) With these in mind, the best approach when dealing with a bushboy is a motherly one. If you are a women let your maternal instinct come out. If you are a man expose your female side and mother these poor creatures. Try to remember, no matter how arrogant, opinionated, self-righteous, or even frightening they may become, bushboys are simply lonely, sad, frightened children in their hearts. Why else would they feel the need to carry big guns? Keep in mind also that they are an endangered species, and rejoice in your special opportunity to frolic with what may be the last of a dying breed. Finally, do not allow them to reduce you to a bushboy yourself, and always remember NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, go from love.

One of the most fun things to do with your bushboy is to watch it dig it's own hole. The funniest part of this display is that it will never realize it is digging a hole, no matter how deep. But exercise caution! They will bite when cornered!

Thank you. You may now feed your bushboy.

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