Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Got this in an e-mail from my Father today. I've been so busy with the Writer's Strike I almost forgot the main reason I blog here - to expose the Republi-cons for the Corporate shills that they are and to defeat them at every turn!


I have to admit that my initial preoccupation with the strike was due to the fact that my livelihood is tied to the outcome. It has, however, become increasing clear to me that this strike is actually a microcosm of what is happening to "Labor" in every part of the United States, as the Corporations, aided and abetted by the Bush Administration, continues to wage war against Unions and the working family in general.
Oh you can have a job alright, but you'll work for what we'll pay you when we want you to work. And benefits? That's un-American! Aren't we all cut from that "Daniel Boone" cloth that rewards rugged individualism?

Well, it's time once again to take on the Always Wrong Right. So with that in mind, I give you...


Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

* Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

* Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

* The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

* A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

* Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

* The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

* If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

* A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

* Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

* HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

* Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

* A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense.

* A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

* Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

* The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

* You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

Thanks Dad!

d.

ps: Feel free to add to this. I'm sure there's a whole lot more we're missing here!